"But, that's not fair!"

"That's right. Life isn't fair."

These lines were significant enough to tingle my ears and make the movie Naked Weapon my favorite movie. Walking in the rain, feeling hopeless, no one to be with, is something one can't imagine himself doing. Yes, I surpassed it a while ago. Every minute, every second, ever moment, it feels like emptiness was all over the place. I really don't understand how karma works in this universe. The ones who caused you pain and trouble are the ones who experience greater happiness. While those who try to be nice were kept ignored. I feel like crying yet I can't burst into tears. I guess, I trained myself very well to keep these emotions from coming. All I can resort to is put my feelings into words and post this nonsense in my crappy blog.

Every day was chaotic. If I would be able to redo everything, I will do it. Three years ago, I told myself that I'll change. I'll change for the better. I won't cry because of feeling empty. I won't cry because there are people who'll give me the reason not to. But it didn't happen. I failed. I was given an opportunity but what I executed didn't work out. It's hard to be in a different environment once you already put up something. This is not the life that I planned. this is not the life I imagined and dreamed. It's pathetic that everything came to a mess. I, myself, became a mess. It's hard to turn the tables. Heavy damages were already done. I was given a couple of my own brand of endorphines. But it only lasted for a couple of months. Well, not until the sickness entirely succumbed to it.

I would envy others who fulfill what I dreamed of. I kept on wishing that one day, just one day, everything would turn upside down. Just one day of pure happiness. Just one day full of love and care for people who are misunderstood. Just one day... Please... Just one day...